funny true story – Kidnapped!

True story – Kidnapped!

Our HairyMammal typist, The Horizontal One (T.H.O.) hasn’t been available for a while, so we’ll take this opportunity to relate a true story about him. A strange story, we suspect, but what do we know?

Once upon a time (i.e. one day, long ago; not to be confused with Once Upon Time – the small town near Newcastle which is famous for its bridge over the tidal river Time, The Bridge of Size (it’s big!)) The Horizontal One left his house during the hours of daylight intending to visit a shop.

A car pulled up to the kerb and the female HairyMammal suspected of being his girlfriend/adversary offered him a lift. No sooner was he in the car than she operated the door locks and drove straight past the shop to her isolated home.

Having escorted him into the premises, she locked the doors, pocketed the keys, and forced him to eat sliced white bread, read The Daily Mail and watch TV. Some HairyMammals have no mercy.

For once he was struck by an intelligent idea – he feigned interest in the TV, thus encouraging her frequent use of the power complex (the gizmo with coloured buttons that changes channel on the TV) and every time she was thus engaged he topped up her cup with more TEA! No end of the stuff.

Very soon she said she needed to use the ‘little girls’ room’, which was a fib – she went to the toilet. She still had the house keys in her pocket, but the daft bat (T.H.O.’s words, not ours) neglected to take the phone, so he phoned the police and was promptly rescued!

The police didn’t prosecute her, which puzzled us. Maybe they were placated by all the sliced white bread which they ate whilst on the premises?

We were deeply gratified by the pivotal role played by tea in this adventure and only wish we’d been able to supply it ourselves…

#11

P.S. The Bridge of Size to follow.